There were two guys trying to measure how high a flag pole was; but they couldn’t reach the top of the flag pole with the tape measure.
A blonde girl came walking by and saw their problem so she took a wrench out of her purse, loosened the bolts on the bottom of the flagpole and let the pole fall to the ground. Then she measured and told the guys it was 19′ 6″.
After the blonde left, one of the guys said to the other:
“Typical blonde…, We want the height, and she gives us the width.”
There’s a saying In Monore washington that sums it all up; “you cain’t get there from here! it’s the response you’ll get if you stop at the first coffeshop in monroe as you get off the state Route 522 freeway if you ask Jackie for directions. Although she may be one of the Friendliest Girls in monroe she may also be the smartest, her I.Q. isn’t higher than anyone else’s however there is a certain majic when she speaks that even if your smart.. she will dumbfound you.
Written by Djeph Boaz
Edited by Aqua Luna
Whom ever had the idea that women are weak was an Idiot! There is nothing more pathetic than a man who has underestimated a woman whether it is his wife, girlfriend, sister, coworker, or some random woman on the street. When a woman is tired of a situation those around her tell her that her significant other is a loser, abuser, dickhead, or whatever it might be. So when she resolves herself to change; you my friend are in trouble. We all want that Angel pure and sweet that moves like a stripper under the sheets, yet the idea of what she wants is incomprehensible to the male mind. So if you suspect your marriage, relationship or whatever it is having trouble, it’s probably too late, even if you get the inclination to meet her needs mentally she has most likely killed you off in her mind as her significant other. You may notice that she likes to go for walks so you start going for walks to show that you are meeting her more than halfway. Yet you have not noticed all the other little changes in her life. While you are playing the Xbox live, she’s spending 3hrs at the gym. While you are pounding back that brew, she’s paying the electrical bill and buying your groceries. You complain that there’s no decent food in the house, yet she’s on a new diet regiment and getting hot. The fat’s melting off of her like butter and you’re running to mac daddy’s for a big whopping burger and a shake. You think you get it and join a gym you go twice a week, she goes everyday for at least 2 and a half hours. When a woman resolves that she no longer wants to be with you, that is what will happen. She will start slowly and make changes that are positive for her life, changes that you don’t see. If you do not see the changes in her life, you will be replaced. When someone says to her “Are you still with that loser?” or “You deserve better!” you will be trouble. You’re having burping contest and she has her eye on the office man whore. Why? Because she doesn’t want a relationship with you anymore and she realized what a pathetic loser it turned you into. In her mind she wants to be fucked like she was in college. Mentally you’re still sixteen yet she’s been reading romance novels, self improvement books, and half a dozen other mind expanding references for the last 7 years. We as men have stumbled upon the local hog beast now and again, but if you think that you’re some kind of catch, remember this; there is always someone out there right around the corner that sooner or later is going to catch her attention, and they are ten times more of a man that you are. If your woman wants to talk or vents to you about your inadequacies, do not walk away, ignore her, or invalidate her feeling in any way. Validate her feelings hold on to her and tell her you understand. Ask what she has been doing to make improvements and how you can help. Your Idea of change is doing the dishes once a week, her idea of change is cooking dinner together then doing the dishes together. Your Idea of change is going for a walk after dinner, her idea of change is going to the gym for two hours after dinner every night, and then having passionate sex. Men are use to pounding things into place like a hammer and a nail, however women are more willing to take the time to use a screw driver and screw to make sure that floor board of the foundation of your relation ship won’t pop up again. Unfortunately if she constantly has to go back and replace your nails with screws, she will find a man who will give her a good solid screw!
Written By Djeph Boaz
Edited By Aqua Luna
Currently people are taking the streets in protest of Wall Street and big business corruption. Most of these protesters aren’t quite sure what they are protesting for. Whoever is rallying these students and non inspired individuals has it all wrong!
Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.
What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.
Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
What is a cat’s favourite song? Three Blind Mice.
What did the freshman computer science major say when he was told that the work stations had mice? Don’t you have a cat?
What is a cat’s way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.
How did a cat take first prize at the bird show? He just jumped up to the cage, reached in, and took it.
Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court? For kitty littering.
Why did the litter of communist kittens become capitalists? Because they finally opened their eyes.
Why are cats better than babies? Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.
What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat? Hiss and Tell.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat? A big furry creature that purrs while it sits on your lap and squashes you.
What does a cat do when it gets mad? It has a hissy fit.
What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.
What happened when the cat went to the flea circus? He stole the whole show!
Where does a cat go when it loses its tail? The retail store.
What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? A mice cream cone.
What do cats use to make coffee? A purrcolator.
What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck? A duck filled fatty puss.
If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? Their paws.
Why is the cat so grouchy? Because he’s in a bad mewd.
If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are left on the boat? None! They were copy cats.
Is it bad luck if a black cat follows you? That depends on whether you’re a man or a mouse.
How does the cat get its own way? With friendly purrsuasion.
What has more lives than a cat? A frog because it croaks every night.
What is a cat’s favourite subject in school? HISStory.
Just About the Time I found Myself I disapeared
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